The Tilzer Blogs

Just one of those days…

It’s been quite a while since I last posted, and my last news was pretty great. In fact, I have even more news to share! But, unfortunately, if you are looking for another happy post by me, this one isn’t it… I woke up extremely depressed this morning. I think it is a continuation of yesterday, because I was depressed yesterday after work. But today it’s really bad… I’m starting to see patterns in my new relationship that my ex followed, and my ex ended up breaking up with me. Since it’s the seconds relationship and second girl I’ve ever been with, I don’t know if it’s something that is a part of the norm and is in every relationship, or if this one is going to end up in the ground like the last one, and me with smaller shards of a shattered heart left… I don’t know. I tend to bend over backwards and allow things I don’t like and sacrifice every ounce of me just to make sure that my relationship lasts and she is happy, but at the same time, I don’t know if I should do that anymore. To make a relationship work, one must make sacrifices. However, I don’t think it’s just supposed to be one person constantly. But I guess we will just see with this one. I love her, she loves me. I’m happy, with the exception of these last two days. Maybe I’m trying to find my ex again in someone else. She has the same interests like smoking pot and whatnot, which isn’t something I’m into. I just want to be happy… Find someone to love. If it takes giving up my well being, so be it. It’s not easy finding someone I am interested in that is interested back in me. Plus, by the time I started falling for her, is when I found out she wants to do things that I am extremely uncomfortable with. It’s not something I’m going to talk to her about because I love her and I want her to do whatever is going to make her happy. Being the type of man I am, I’ll just keep my mouth shut and live with it.

I wish this state of depression would pass though. It’s been a few days since I spent a whole night with her… Maybe when I get to hold her in my arms as we drift to sleep will make it better. Maybe just getting blackout drunk will fix it. I don’t know, but I want it to pass… I feel like just bawling my eyes out right now…. :(

I hate being single…… :/

Got mah iPhone 4S!!!! Can I get yo numbah?

Now that I got my iPhone, I am now able to do sooooo much more with social media. Having said that, I need peeps to text meh their numbas! So, if you don’t have my number, send me a message on here or on mah Facebook (Add me if we’re not awesome friends already), and I will give you my number, and you can text me so I can save it. :)

Successful date! :D

My life seems to be picking up. I have awesome friends who’ve helped me through hell, my acting career is starting up starting with the founding of my production company, I’m joining a band. On top of that, I met this really awesome girl. As I get to know her more, she seems to have a kind heart, she’s really beautiful, and has my type of sense of humor. I can’t wait for the next date! I’m really happy right now, and I’m excited to see where everything going on in my life takes me in the future. :)

I’m so depressed and alone, I haven’t eaten in 4 days, and have lost almost 15lbs. I don’t care anymore… Everyone keeps bailing on me, no one really ever talks to me anymore…. I’ve hit rock bottom, died, and am burried there. I don’t think there’s any returning this time. I’ll just keep wearing my fake smile every day, and tell everyone how happy I am even though I’m not. GQ said I could bring someone with me to the photoshoot, and were surprised that I have no one to bring. I’ve never really had anyone. The one and only person I’ve ever been with, the whole relationship was a lie. When they tell you they love you but don’t mean it, it’s not really a relationship. So, I’ve been single my whole pathetic life, and I’ve given up, so I’m gonna stay single. No one is ever reliable these days. I need to stop being so caring cuz all it does is fuck me over in the end. I’m done.

Gonna start my yearly chick flick marathon in a bit. Only this time, I get the lovely addition of alcohol. I think I’m gonna pick up a bottle or two of that chocolate strawberry wine.

I was the fat kid everyone made fun of in school

And today, I can’t thank you enough for opening your mouths and taking my self worth down to less than nothing. Because of you, I have self confidence issues I can’t get over. Your words didn’t only hurt then, but they can continue to destroy me now. For future generations, leave everyone alone if you have nothing nice to say, and learn to love people the way they are.